by
Eddie
.
Prologue: Graduation
"No, man. Thanks, but no," Blair said with a large smile and a small pat on his partner's arm.
Ellison protested. "But you can't just graduate like that..."
"Like what? Like plain? Why not?"
"'Cause you know us, Chief. This isn't just a big deal for you, it's a big deal for the whole department." Jim followed his friend toward the kitchen, where the younger man was laying out breakfast. "Simon wants to do it."
At that Blair stopped and pinned his partner with a glare.
"Okay, I want to do it," Jim conceded, layering his scrambled eggs with salt, pepper, and bacon. "I want people to know that you're a part of our team. You're one of us."
"But getting my gold shield in front of everyone just isn't the way I want it done." Taking his seat across from his friend and roommate, Blair rested his elbows on the table and picked at his food. He didn't want to have to explain in order to get his friend to agree. After everything they'd been through, Sandburg thought his partner would be able to just take him at his word.
His roommate was poking at the eggs on the plate, not eating, and not seeming to care. Seeing Blair that way didn't sit well with Jim. After the hell of the past week, he'd thought that most of their big issues were behind them. But this seemed to be escalating rather well. He gave a heavy sigh, tensed momentarily, then tried to sound calm. "How DO you want it done?"
Blair pushed his plate away, then the chair, and stood up. "Doesn't matter. Do whatever."
Jim swallowed his food, took a sip of his coffee, and then breathed deeply. "Blair?"
There was a sudden genuine concern in his friend's voice, replacing the usual brusque tones Ellison used when he was upset. Blair hoped the conversation was under control. "Jim, man. It's not so easy to explain. I don't want to upset anyone, so you just do what you planned."
Jim watched his friend pacing the kitchen. "But you just told me you don't want that. What's going on?" There was silence for a moment.
"I don't want -- " Sandburg stopped the sentence, leaning against the counter and staring at the floor. He knew it shouldn't be about what he wanted. A lot of people had gone to a lot of trouble for him, and he should be polite and consider their feelings. He was really truly grateful that they wanted to celebrate his achievements. But it wasn't what he wanted. After all his graduations, he wanted this one to be different. He wanted this one to be normal.
"You don't want, but you do want, but we want, but we don't want..." Ellison shook his head. "Make up my mind, Chief. Do we want something or do you want something or are we just gonna call the whole thing off?" He chuckled at the rapid succession of words, knowing it sounded like a record. "You gotta talk to me."
Blair chuckled at that. "Talk to you. Okay. Look." He stood at the cooking island, hands braced against the countertop. "I've been to enough graduations where I was singled out for one reason or another. Graduating at the age of 15 was hard enough, but you try finding a cap and gown in 32 Extra Short." Blair saw his friend give him a half-smile. "Yeah, well try not getting your head kicked in when somebody's dad finds out his straight-A child isn't getting his scholarship because a 15 year old beat him out of it. Oh, and I won't even start on the names you get called."
Jim smiled. "Like Neo-hippie witch doctor punk?" He stabbed a piece of egg and ate it.
"I like that one, man," Blair said, relaxing and chuckling a bit. "Hell of a lot nicer than most of what I got in high school. And you'd think adults wouldn't say that kinda stuff in front of their kids... Sheesh." He tried to clear the voices from his mind, the names that echoed around, knowing they weren't really there. And they couldn't hurt him any more.
Jim looked over at the young man, seeing the closed eyes and hearing the slow, methodical breathing. "One bad experience, Chief. That's no reason -- "
"But it wasn't just ONE experience, Jim." Blair pushed a couple of loose tendrils behind his ear, sipped his coffee and tried to sort through the feelings and fears and put the words together the right way. "I started Rainier at 16 and finished my undergrad early -- of course. I threw grading curves, messed up student standings, made a lotta people really uncomfortable. You know? You try making friends when you're 18 and graduating summa cum laude while tutoring students three years older than you. It was hard... to ... to gain acceptance." He felt the dryness in his mouth, the cracking of his voice as his throat constricted. Even a large gulp of coffee didn't relieve it. "I tried to stop attending graduations, but Rainier wouldn't hear of it. They just loved to show off their little trophies. I think sometimes they made up awards to give me. Which may have helped them, but it sure as hell didn't make me any more popular. Sometimes it was a real hassle, man."
Ellison grasped for straws. "Wasn't there anything good about them for you?"
Blair smiled enthusiastically. "Yeah. Seeing Naomi happy."
Jim was just sitting there, not even picking at his food. He knew what Sandburg meant. He knew the pain of embarrassment. Of all the times for William Ellison to make a favorable appearance for his son... That damn award. Jim thought to himself. All he had to do was hand me the damn thing and shake my hand. But it had been another ploy to bring the great William Ellison, business man extrordinaire into the spotlight. Jim remembered the words as if it were yesterday. "If MY son can do it -- then I'm sure yours can too..." He could hear them in his head and even 20-some years later, they made him cringe. He understood what Blair was saying. All too well.
"We didn't mean it that way, Chief."
Blair smiled. "Nobody ever does, Jim. It just seems to go that way. So tell Simon and all of the gang, 'Thanks, but No Thanks.' I just want to be a normal graduating cadet." He stared at the countertop, examining something necessarily minuscule.
"But you're not, Sandburg."
Looking up quickly, Blair tried to see if his friend was joking or not. "What?"
Jim was eating again, his appetite suddenly back ten-fold. "You said you wanted to be a normal graduating cadet. But that's not gonna happen. You're NOT normal, Sandburg. You never have been and you never will be."
"Ha ha ha."
Ellison stopped eating and crossed over to the coffeepot, refilling his cup and leaning against the counter by his friend. "I'm not joking. I told you once, you're one of the best cops I've ever met and you're a great friend. It takes something great inside you to be that way. As far as I'm concerned, that eliminates you from 'normal' status immediately."
To say Blair was stunned was an understatement. He blinked up at the man a couple of times, unsure of what to say. His friend wasn't prone to deep, meaningful conversations -- especially where feelings were concerned. "You mean that?"
Smiling at his friend, Jim pushed the young man with an elbow and mumbled. "Maybe."
After considering the answer for a few moments, Blair smiled and headed back to the table, grabbing his breakfast plate and walking to the microwave to reheat the cooled food. "Look, Jim. I know what you guys are trying to do: to make me feel like one of the team, but just respect my wishes when I say that doing it in front of my class wouldn't be the best way. If you alienate my classmates, then I've gained nothing."
"All right, Sandburg. All right." Jim grabbed the plate of hot food from the microwave oven, replacing it with his own. "We'll have a nice, boring graduation ceremony. But you don't know what you're missing..." He had a mischievous smirk on his face as he handed Blair the warmed plate and waited for his to finish.
Taking his seat back at the table, Blair gave one, loud huff of a laugh. "I can almost imagine. Probably some young female Vice cop in hooker gear who was going to bring me my shield pinned to her garter or something." He noticed his partner wasn't looking at him. "You guys will do anything to embarrass me, won't you?"
Ellison was trying hard not to laugh too much; he didn't want his coffee to spill over his hand. Setting his plate down, he took his seat and began to finish his food. "Look, no matter what Rafe tells you, the Vice/hooker thing was his idea." Jim received a scrunched up dishtowel to the face. "Hey! At least we didn't go with Megan's plan. Ooohhhh -- that one -- ha!"
Curiosity getting the better of him, Blair looked at his partner with a mixture of interest and fear. "I can only imagine." It didn't reassure him when Jim shook his head.
"No, Sandburg. You can't imagine. You just can't. But I think I still have the drawings in my desk at the station."
The auditorium was packed. Blair stood in line with the rest of his class, checking his uniform like just about everyone else. It seemed no one wanted to be the least bit imperfect for the ceremony. Shining his nametag one more time, he adjusted his shirt cuffs, then brushed some imaginary lint from his jacket sleeves. As he checked his watch one more time, he wondered when things would actually start and if he had time to be sick. His stomach was churning, roiling with nervous energy that he tried to expend by alternately clenching and stretching his hands. There wasn't a nail left on his fingers, and he thanked the dress code for including gloves, otherwise he'd be tempted to chew the nubs of his fingers themselves. A jittery figure next to him gave him a slight bump and he turned the female cadet to face him.
"Jeanette, calm down, would you?" he said with a smile, but she just smiled and turned back around to study the line ahead of them. Blair grabbed her shoulder and turned her around once more. "Jeanette!"
"Huh? What?" With a bit of a blush, she hid her smile behind her hand, then cleared her throat as if she could change her attitude that quickly. "Sorry. I didn't mean to bump you. I'll bet you're nervous." She smacked her head with a palm. "Probably not. You've been through this a couple times, huh? Probably used to all the attention."
"Looking forward to being just one of the crowd, to tell the truth."
Jeanette looked at him closely. "Sandburg, I should think you'd be more than happy at a commendation or two, not to mention the recognition of your academic performance, and your marksmanship skills -- which, if I have to say so myself, are pretty amazing given your aversion to guns."
"I've told you before. I just know how to make each shot count. I don't expect a certificate for doing that. It's part of my life motto -- to make it all count."
"Still..." she tried to form her next thought but the line had begun to move and the nervousness took over for a few minutes. When Jeanette finally got herself back up to talking, they were halfway down the aisle to their seats. "Well, at least you're getting your gold shield here, in front of everyone."
Shaking his head, he smiled and replied kindly. "Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not getting that today."
"But why not?" she almost yelled. "Do you know how big a deal that is? If it were me, I'd do it in a HUGE way, even have the hometown news here to cover it."
"News? Oh, Man. I never even -- " Blair stopped the comment quickly, looking around nervously as he and the rest of the class filed into seats. He hadn't considered that. It would be just like the newspapers to show up -- especially the tabloids -- and make his life hell again. He could almost imagine the numerous headlines about his new career, speculative future, and jaded past. It wouldn't be good. Nope. Not for him or his partner. He was turning around in the chair, looking to the hall entrances as well as the stage, dais, and balconies. Jeanette pulled him around to face the front of the large hall just as Chief of Police Warren bid the class of cadets to take their seats.
"What's he doing?" Simon asked quietly. He'd watched his new detective with no little nervousness himself. Pulling at his tight collar, the captain looked over at the young man's friend and partner. "Jim?" But Ellison's head was tilted rather irregularly, a sure sign that the Sentinel was engaged in some activity. At the somewhat confused look on Jim's face, Simon nudged the man to get his attention, then whispered. "What have you got? Please don't tell me there's something going on here. not now..."
He heard the words, he just didn't respond right away. Ellison's attention was focused on his partner's rapid heartbeat, then switched abruptly to the rapid heartbeats around him. With a slight shake of his head, Jim double-checked the number of rapid heartbeats -- six, his and those of the five people sitting around him. The five closest friends he and Blair had. He hadn't lied when he'd told Blair that Major Crimes wanted to celebrate. They did, more now than ever. After all they'd been through, and not just those five; the men and women of Major Crimes were anxiously awaiting Sandburg's official arrival into the department. Which, in accordance with Blair's wishes, would happen directly after the graduation ceremony...
"Everything's fine, Simon," Jim said as he turned to the man, seeing each of the seven people around him staring forward suddenly. Chief Warren had just approached the podium for his opening remarks. "Well, everything was fine."
"It's remarks like that, Jim, that make these things seem longer than they have to be." But after a long few minutes of a very boring speech, Simon was inclined to agree with his detective. Turning to face the man, he found Ellison's face had a half-smile and a somewhat vacant look. Almost afraid the man had zoned, he followed the line of sight to the stage. "All right, Jim," he whispered. "What are they talking about behind Warren's back?"
"Huh? Oh, well, the Mayor seems to think the cadets are having just as boring a time as she is," Jim reported with a smile. "The City Manager is listening to a sports station -- " But the rest of his sentence was cut off by the first round of applause. As the sound died down, Ellison checked his partner's vitals one more time, hearing the deep breathing and short conversation with the female cadet that was keeping the young man calm.
"Sandburg okay?" Simon asked once more.
Smiling at the fatherly tone, Jim nodded. "Yeah, typical Sandburg, trying to calm down by talking to a woman."
"Really, you two," Megan interrupted from behind them. Leaning forward in her chair, her head in-between the two men, she clucked at them slightly and teased. "You would think the commanding officer would set a better example. Especially to visiting officers who are anxious to view the sacred ceremonies of their American counterparts." She sat back quickly as the men turned to face her, then set a single finger to her lips to stopper their comments.
They looked at each other, trying very hard not to laugh.
Just to annoy her, Simon leaned toward Ellison so the Australian Inspector had to sit up a little straighter in order to see over the pair. But after a few minutes, Banks sat up straight again, complaining about his back, so Jim tried to spare some interest for the guest speaker. A difficult task, since the speaker's voice was slightly monotone and the speech itself was monosyllabic.
Perfect zone out conditions, he thought, a slight frown wrinkling his brow. Oh, he'd love that one. He managed to stay in reality, but only barely awake. If anyone ever needed to know, Jim could tell them just how many acoustic tiles there were in the hall's ceiling. Well, maybe not the exact count, but a fairly scientific guess. The applause helped bring him back to full consciousness, but he groaned inwardly at the sight of another guest approaching the lecturn.
Thankfully, the short woman awarding special training awards didn't take very long, and a few minutes later, Chief of Police Warren took center stage once more. But before the man could actually say anything, Jim heard his partner's voice. "It's gonna get real loud, real fast. Dial it down a couple notches or the reverb in here will take you a week to filter out." Ellison looked over at his friend, who smiled and finished his thought. "You are still awake, aren't you?"
With a laugh and a nod, Jim pointed emphatically towards the stage where Chief Warren had finally gotten the microphone adjusted.
Blair turned around just in time to hear his new boss begin the most important part of the day.
"The Cadets will now rise. Raise your right hands and repeat after me...."
Jim listened closely for just a few words. "I, Blair Sandburg, do solemnly swear..." Hearing that, he turned down the dial for his hearing and smiled broadly.
The oath administered, it was time for the individual badges to be presented. The majority of newly sworn officers were seated as the first row headed up the steps to the stage. It seemed that each name read was more important than the last as friends and relatives cheered endlessly.
Keeping his hearing turned down, Jim watched, leaning back in his seat and adjusting his tie. The cadets had been organized alphabetically, so now was just waiting time. "I hate ties, Simon."
"I know," Banks replied calmly, staring at his friend. "But it's not about you, man." Then Simon turned to face his officers, admiring them all in their dress uniforms, including Megan Conner. Jim had informed him that Blair wanted a plain graduation, nothing fancy, nothing special, and in some way, Banks could understand that. With everything that had gone down over the past year -- all the bad press, bad vibes, and bad days -- maybe it was just time for Blair Sandburg to be one of the crowd. And if he was going to be one of Major Crime's crowd, then they were going to show him they were with him, in silent support.
The group sat there, watching and waiting until Sandburg's name was called. Short conversations, side bets regarding the festivities to come, some general nonsense conversation helped Jim to keep his mind off his partner, and necessarily how nervous the kid must be. Gotta remember to stop calling him 'kid,' he thought, smiling to himself. Stretching out his hearing for just a second, he listened to Blair just to know his friend was doing well.
"Ross, Rupert, Russell..." Blair repeated, looking down the row to his left as his fellow officers stood and walked toward the stage steps. There were only about 20 people in front of him. Checking his watch, he timed the current officer receiving his shield, and calculated the approximate length of time before he would have to walk across that stage. Twelve seconds each, including family screaming, times 21 -- no -- 19 people, then divide by 60... Oh, Hell. Forget it... His brain had finally registered that knowing exactly when he would be on stage was more intimidating than just standing in line like a lemming. Hey, at least I'm not jumping OFF anything... More rampant thoughts as the line got shorter and shorter, until finally it was Blair's turn to mount the steps and hear his name called. "Officer Blair Sandburg..." He heard, and winced for a nanosecond before starting across the stage. He'd expected silence, or curiosity-stifled conversations, even pointing and giggling. But it wasn't there. People continued to talk and the buzz of conversation was superceded only by the nice round of applause Sandburg received as he shook the Commissioner's hand after being handed his badge by Chief Warren. "Thank you, Sir," He said, then stepped past the men, heading towards the opposite side and the steps that would take him back to his seat. It was as he was studying the badge, the intricate details of the shield, that something in him made him look up. He had to share it. Had to show it to the people who had become his support, his friends, his family. The tribe of Major Crime.
But he wasn't prepared for what he saw.
As Blair reached the opposite side, and looked up, he saw six pairs of eyes focused solely on him. They were all standing up, intent on him. Henri, Rafe, Megan, and Joel stood behind Jim and Simon. The six were clapping their hands and smiling as he made his way down the steps and back to his seat, and as he sat, so did they. It wasn't fancy, it wasn't flashy, and it wasn't false.
It was genuine acceptance.
Jeanette slipped into her seat next to Blair, seeing the man still admiring his badge. "Yeah, I'm sure it's not as pretty as your gold one will be," she commented, receiving a brilliant smile in return.
"Gold or silver, doesn't matter, Jeanette," Sandburg said quietly. "It's the job that counts. It's what you do with whatever you get that defines your character." He looked down at the badge one more time, then cast a glance over his shoulder to his friends and smiled for them.
"And what about how others see you? Doesn't that count for something?" Jeanette looked inquiringly at her classmate and fellow officer.
"Yeah. It does," Blair said without hesitation, then turned back to face her. "But sometimes, it's how you see others that makes the difference..."
"Okay! JIM! Gees, I get the hint!" Blair backed out of the elevator, hands palm-out toward his partner as if pushing him away. "I'm NOT to blame you for anything -- "
"That's right, Chief," Ellison answered, taking his time heading for the doors to Major Crime. He wanted to give his friend a chance to make his first official entrance on his own. Of course, Jim could hear everyone hiding in Simon's office...
Just as Sandburg made it to the doors, he smiled and pointed to the elevator. "Hey, I'm just glad you didn't bring a horse up here like that one party."
Chuckling, Jim adjusted his tie and unbuttoned his collar, sighing in relief. "Horses are for retirement parties only."
As he opened the door, Blair took a couple of quick breaths. The lights were on but there was absolutely no one to be seen. Glancing around the room, Blair was just slightly disappointed. Until he looked to his immediate right. At the end of the large room, next to the far door and facing Jim Ellison's desk, sat a recently cleaned off desk sporting a huge blue ribbon. The nameplate said it all. "Detective B. Sandburg. Case Coordinator." He stared at it, at the desk, at the blotter still wrapped in plastic, even at the brand new computer.
As he stood there, Jim gave a quick knock on the captain's door, silently motioning to the group to come out and welcome their newest member. Newest official member... Jim mentally corrected. "See anything missing Detective?"
There was no answer.
"Detective?" Jim questioned once more. He was about to ask again, when Simon held up a hand and walked up directly behind the young man.
"Detective Sandburg?" the captain said rather loudly.
"Huh? Captain... Simon... Sorry..." He turned around quickly, leaning against the desk, his hands gripping the edges to keep himself upright.
Everyone started to giggle, then Blair laughed at himself, and suddenly things were normal. Rhonda and Megan started the procession of well wishes with hugs and smiles. They were followed by the rest of the officers and civilians that made up the Major Crime Unit. And they ended with one Captain Simon Banks and one Detective James Ellison. The room was suddenly quiet as they all gathered in the center of the large room, in nearly the exact same spot as they had a few months before. It was all coming full circle.
"You know we couldn't just let you join us without a party, Sandburg," Banks announced loud enough so that everyone could hear him. "We trust your graduation ceremony was normal enough for you." At the wide smile on Blair's face, all the sarcastic remarks in the room died a quick and silent death. If Sandburg was happy, then they were happy. "I see you found your desk."
Sandburg smiled even wider, his eyes twinkling a bit as he cast a glance over his shoulder toward his new seat.
Henri looked over at it. "Is it all in order? Got your computer..."
"Blotter," Rafe added.
Megan gave a peek as well. "And name plate."
"Something missing, though," Joel admitted, stepping up to glance over the desk.
Jim stood by the doorway, silently observing, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck as he avoided his partner's pleading gaze. You got your way at the graduation, he thought. You're just gonna have to like it or lump it, now.
"Probably my insurance card and first aid kit," Blair mumbled quickly, hearing those around him laugh and explain to the few behind them.
"No, Sandburg," Simon replied, and tossed the leather case to his friend. "We were thinking more along these lines."
Blair knew it was his shield. His gold shield. "Thank you. Everyone, thank you. For your support and your acceptance. I hope I can do Major Crimes proud..."
"Sandburg," Banks said, seeing the young man look directly at him, "I think we've had enough speeches for the day, don't you?" As the chuckles died down, he turned to face his loyal group of men and women. "All right. What say we take this party to the party!" A couple of whoops and hollers were heard as the main group headed for the doors deciding just who would drive.
The mass exodus gave Blair a chance to contemplate his new position, and he looked at his badge again. He stared at it, touched it, flipped the case open and closed a couple of times, until Ellison stepped forward and leaned on the desk right next to him.
"You okay, Chief?"
Sandburg nodded, never taking his eyes off the badge.
Setting a hand on his partner's shoulder, he squeezed in friendly reassurance, then cuffed the younger man on the back. "C'mon, Junior. I'm ready for a nice steak."
Simon watched the pair head for him. "I have your first official order, Sandburg."
Blair stopped in his tracks. Simon was now officially the boss. His boss...
"I think he's already started to ignore you," Ellison joked.
"Started? I had that pleasure shortly after he arrived," Simon remarked.
Jim started laughing, only to have Banks call him on it. "And I have you to thank for that."
His good mood made him quick with a return. "Thank for what? Sandburg ignoring you, or him being here in the first place?"
The two exchanged a brief smile. "Both," they said in unison.
Seeing their young friend still lost in his thoughts, Simon set a hand on Blair's shoulder and poured out his best captain's voice. "Sandburg!"
"Huh? Oh." He grinned slightly. "Sorry. You were saying something about my orders -- ?"
The three headed toward the elevators. "Take your partner on vacation."
The doors to the elevator opened as Blair considered Banks' words. The three men had stepped into the elevator box and Simon had already pushed the button for the garage when he finally responded. "Refresh my memory -- what's the penalty for disobeying a direct order again?"
He sidestepped behind Simon to avoid the swat from Jim.
"Sandburg -- get your butt out from behind me..."
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This page last updated 1/10/01.